So Tired
by claireeleven
Summary: Quinn is sent to a psychiatrist because everyone is starting to see her issues. Trigger Warning: Mental Illness, Dissociative Identity Disorder Multiple Personality Disorder


**AN: This is basically AU. Quinn was never pregnant and her parents never got divorced. It's set when she's about 17. That's about all you really need to know. Other than the fact I wrote this at like 4am and I don't really remember writing most of it and it is un-beta-ed so it probably has mistakes galore (such as my tendency to write they're when I mean their...) Anyway, hope you like it :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee. If I did, it would be _A LOT_ different.**

"So, what brings you here today, Quinn?" Dr. Spindel asked.

"Everyone says they're worried about me," was the blonde's non-committal response.

"Who exactly is worried about you?" the doctor probed, trying to break through Quinn's icy exterior.

"My parents." Quinn replied, pausing before adding, "Glee club."

"Do you know why they're worried about you?" Dr. Spindel questioned, still ignoring Quinn's reluctance to open up. But then again, they probably taught that in Psychiatry 101.

"I guess," Quinn muttered, thinking back to the first time her problems had accidentally been revealed to her friends.

* * *

><p>It was another Rachel Berry House Party Train Wreck Extravaganza and the whole Glee Club was there. Wanting to forget about the constant stress of trying to keep everything under control, Quinn had drunk a lot of vodka within the first couple of hours.<p>

The club had just started a game of Truth or Dare and it was her turn. She'd picked dare, partly because in her drunken state she had lost all her inhibitions, partly because she had a lot of secrets that she wasn't quite sure she could be trusted to keep locked in at the present moment.

"Pretend to be a cat," Brittany had instantly offered, making Quinn laugh lightly.

"No," Santana interjected. "I dare you to run down the street. Naked."

Quinn looked around at her friends who were all smiling encouragingly at her, and with a drunken giggle, she stood up and began to strip.

She'd only just managed to whip her dress up over her head when suddenly half the club was pouncing on her.

"Whoa," Finn exclaimed, the most sober of all the party-goers, as he grabbed a blanket from the couch and wrapped it around her. "What are you doing?"

"You guys dared me to run down the street naked," Quinn slurred, trying to push the blanket off.

"No," came Rachel's gentle reply as she worriedly placed her hand on the taller girl's shoulder. "Mike dared you to try and do a cartwheel."

All of her friends were staring at her as she sat down on the couch in a stony silence. She was feeling a lot more sober now and realized what she'd just done.

As she opened her mouth to try and explain, Brittany burst into tears and suddenly Quinn found herself in the middle of a giant, drunken group hug.

* * *

><p>"And what happened after that night?" Dr. Spindel asked after Quinn finished recapping the events of that night. No matter how much Quinn revealed, she always wanted to know more.<p>

"I told them it was a drunken mistake. They sort of believed it." Quinn muttered, ashamed of the way she'd lied to her friends so easily. "They watched me more closely from then on."

"What about your parents?" The doctor questioned. "Can you tell me about what happened that made them bring you to see me?"

She'd been sitting quietly in her room, plowing her way through her math homework. She'd been on the last question, a particularly tough one, when all of sudden she was broken out of her concentration by the sound of Brittany and Santana laughing hysterically.

She had been furious at them for disrupting her and had begun to yell and yell and yell until she wasn't even yelling words, simply screaming her lungs out instead. Brittany was crying and she looked absolutely terrified. Before Quinn knew what was happening, Santana had knocked her backwards and was slapping and punching her repeatedly.

Her parents, hearing the commotion, had barged in and simply stood, their feet glued to the floor in shock as they took in the scene in front of them. The sound of an ear-splittingly loud slap shook them back to their senses as their daughter continued to scream at Santana to stop hitting her.

Rushing to his daughter's side, Russell gathered the blonde cheerleader in his arms, holding her to him and smoothing her hair back as she stopped fighting and began to sob into his chest.

Meanwhile Judy had fallen to the ground, overwhelmed with tears as she watched her daughter's life fall apart before her eyes.

The next couple of hours had passed by in a blur for Quinn. Her Dad had carried her to the car. She sat in the back and even though she had stopped crying, she held her Mom as the older woman continued to bawl. When they reached the hospital, she climbed out and walked into the emergency room in a daze. Her dad had explained the situation he'd walked in on and before she knew it, Quinn had been escorted to a private room and been pumped full of a sedative, not that she really needed it now, although it was nice to be able to drift off straight away.

* * *

><p>"Do you understand why they brought you here when they saw that?" Dr. Spindel asked cautiously, unsure of whether Quinn was aware of what had happened.<p>

"I'm not an idiot." The blonde simply stated. "I know they're not real."

"Who isn't real?" The doctor probed once more, needing to hear it from the cheerleader's own mouth.

"Brittany and Santana." Quinn replied, looking out the window as she drew her legs up to her chest. "They're just voices in my head."

"Why don't you tell me a bit about them? When did you first hear them?" They were finally making some progress and Dr. Spindel wasn't going to stop while they were on a roll.

"I was about 9 when I first heard Brittany. My grandfather used to touch me. And make me touch him. Inappropriately. It was shortly after we stopped visiting him that I first heard Brittany. I could talk to her and have fun. It was like I was talking to the person I was before everything happened."

"Santana joined us when I was about 12. I was getting angry a lot and everyone was getting mad at me. They all hated me for the way I would go from 0 to serial killer in less than 3 seconds. I'm not exactly sure how it happened but it was like I split into two different people. Calm me and angry me. Whenever something happened that would usually make me angry, Santana would start yelling in my head, but I wouldn't be angry. I'd be calm and rational and I'd just have to calm her down."

"Then when I was 15 everything changed. This girl was being a total bitch to me and it started with a few harsh comments but she wouldn't let up. Santana was screaming and screaming and I couldn't think straight then all of a sudden it was like I wasn't in control anymore, Santana was. Suddenly I was lunging at this girl, kicking and punching her with all I was worth but no matter how much I tried to calm Santana down it didn't work and I couldn't take back control of my own body. I just had to sit there in my own head and wait until Santana relaxed enough to let me back in charge."

"After that Santana and Brittany would intermittently take control of my body. When someone made Santana angry, she'd come out and attack them. When someone made Brittany sad, she'd come out and cry. Which usually made Santana angry which meant she'd come out and attack. Santana's fiercely protective of Brittany when it comes to other people but half the time she's the one who makes Brittany cry."

"It's hard. They're constantly talking to each other, to me. They provide a running commentary on everything. Santana tears us down, only to defend us when it's someone else tearing us down. Brittany cheers us up because she knows Santana and I never show our sadness to anyone else. And I'm there to keep them from tearing each other apart. From destroying themselves."

"And me." Quinn finished quietly.

"You understand that in order to get better, Brittany and Santana have to go away, don't you?" Dr. Spindel asked softly, before adding. "Or more specifically, become a part of you, again. So you can be the real Quinn."

"I don't want them to go." Quinn simply stated, although with the drugs they'd been forcing into her system ever since she was admitted to the psychiatric ward two days ago, she felt that perhaps they'd already left.

"Think about your friends. They probably want the real Quinn back. Even if she does get angry sometimes, it's got to be better than this." Dr. Spindel tried to tell her.

* * *

><p>The club had just sat down to play truth or dare and as the game had turned to Quinn, Rachel had started to think that there was something strange going on with the blonde lately. She had watched intently as Quinn chose dare before seemingly began to daydream as the rest of the group tried to decide what the girls dare would be. As Mike dared her to attempt a cartwheel, a feat that the drunken girl would most likely have been unable to perform, Rachel had watched as Quinn came out of her head and looked around at them before standing and stripping.<p>

With that one simple movement, Rachel had realized that Quinn had a lot more issues than she had anticipated. It was like Quinn wasn't even aware of what was happening most of the time. And if she was honest, it scared her to see the girl she cared so deeply for in so much pain.

* * *

><p>"And your family. Think about how your parents felt when they walked in."<p>

* * *

><p>Russell and Judy Fabray had been sitting quietly in the living room when they heard yelling coming from their daughter's room. In an instant they'd rushed upstairs, thoughts of an intruder racing through their minds.<p>

As Russell flung the door open, it had nearly broken him to see his daughter lying on the ground punching herself repeatedly in the stomach, slapping her own face until he was sure that she would do some serious damage.

And while Quinn screamed at "Santana" to stop, Russell began to wonder when exactly his little girl had gotten so lost inside her own head.

* * *

><p>"If you have any chance of getting better, you've got to want to get better." Dr. Spindel concluded.<p>

She wanted to get better, she really did. But without Santana and Brittany, she felt so lonely and empty.

"I'm just so tired." Quinn murmured, resting her head on her knees and letting out a loud sigh. "So, so tired."

* * *

><p><strong>AN2: I'm not a psychiatrist or a doctor or anything of the sort. I researched Dissociate Identity Disorder (Multiple Personality Disorder) and Quinn doesn't really have that because she's still aware of everything when Brittany or Santana take over but that's about the closest diagnosis I can find... Anyway, let me know what you think!<strong>


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